J S Chauhan 
“We’re gonna shove it up their ass. They are a bunch of dumb sons of a bitches!”
What beautiful new language!
What poetry!
What an extraordinary contribution to the English language! Is it a new language of leadership around the world?
Imagine a university auditorium filled with professors, students, researchers and young scientists. Everyone is sitting quietly, waiting for an important speech about science and international cooperation.
The speaker walks confidently to the microphone.
“Ladies and gentlemen, in Russia, a scientist has leaked a microorganism. He is a bunch of dumb sons of a bitches. My foot! How can anyone be so lethargic to do that?” Why the f…k didn’t he take care of that?
Silence.
Complete silence.
A professor looks at another professor.
A student looks at his friend.
A young scientist suddenly becomes extremely interested in the ceiling.
Then someone starts laughing.
Another person joins.
Within seconds, half the audience is struggling to control itself.
And then comes the applause.
Wonderful!
The speaker has apparently discovered a new method of scientific communication: replace technical vocabulary with swear words and wait for applause.
Why waste time explaining microbiology, laboratory safety, scientific responsibility and international cooperation when you can simply say, “They are a bunch of dumb sons of a bitches”?
It is short.
It is memorable.
And, most importantly, everybody understands it.
Its a New Educational Revolution with new language.
Now imagine a school classroom.
The teacher asks the students to write an essay on “The Importance of Artificial Intelligence in our society.”
One student confidently begins:
“We’re gonna shove it up their ass…”
The teacher stops reading.
“Excuse me?”
The student looks surprised.
“But sir, I learned this from important people.”
The teacher takes a deep breath.
Another student raises his hand.
“Sir, can I use ‘son of a bitch’ in the conclusion?”
The teacher faints.
Perhaps this is the latest stage of education.
Earlier generations worked hard to expand their vocabulary. Students learned words such as responsibility, diplomacy, cooperation, tolerance, wisdom and respect.
Modern students may be learning another vocabulary.
And the teachers may soon need a new dictionary:
Leadership English – Advanced Level.
It might contain words that our grandparents never imagined hearing from people holding important positions.
Our Leaders: The New Language Teachers
There was a time when leaders carefully selected their words.
They spoke with dignity.
They used formal expressions.
Sometimes their speeches were so complicated that ordinary people needed a dictionary to understand them.
But perhaps we have progressed.
We are now living in an advanced scientific age.
We have artificial intelligence, quantum computers, space telescopes and laboratories capable of modifying genes.
Naturally, our language must also progress.
Why say:
“We strongly condemn their irresponsible behaviour.”
Instead, you can use four words that would make your grandmother leave the room?
Why say:
“We will respond firmly to this provocation.”
Rather, you can use language that would normally get a student sent to the principal’s office?
This is efficiency.
This is modern communication.
And Then Comes the Home
The real experiment begins at home.
Imagine your son returning from school.
“Dad, those idiots are a bunch of…”
You immediately look up.
“Where did you learn that?”
He smiles innocently.
“From television.”
Your daughter joins the conversation.
“Dad, we’re gonna shove it up their…”
“STOP!”
You suddenly realise something.
Children are excellent students.
They observe everything.
They copy everything.
And they have absolutely no difficulty remembering words that adults would prefer them to forget.
So, dear parents, don’t be surprised if your children suddenly become fluent in this advanced international vocabulary.
After all, they may simply be following the examples provided by the people they watch every day.
Perhaps tomorrow’s school report will contain a new subject:
Advanced Swearing where he scores 100% marks.
And the child may proudly tell his parents:
“Don’t worry, Dad. I learned it from the leaders.”
What a wonderful educational system we have created!
We wanted our children to learn good English.
They certainly are.
We just forgot to specify which English.
