Ladies and gentlemen, gather ‘round for the grand tale of the 47th President of the United States, Donald J. Trump, sworn in on January 20, 2025, for his encore performance in the White House. With his trademark golden mane and a deal-making swagger, Trump’s on a mission to flip the global order like a Manhattan penthouse.

His “America First” agenda? Less a policy, more a blockbuster reality show where he’s the star, director, and producer. And the world’s eating popcorn, watching it unfold!

Before he even dusted off the Oval Office chair, Trump dreamed of shaking up the world like a snow globe. Multilateral agreements? Pfft, too many cooks in the kitchen. Instead, he’s serving up a buffet of bilateral deals, spiced with tariffs and a side of bravado. From withdrawing from the Paris Agreement to eyeing the Panama Canal like it’s prime real estate, Trump’s rewriting the global script.

And let’s not forget his wild-card idea of Canada as the 51st state—sorry, Justin, better start practising the Pledge of Allegiance!

Now, let’s raise a glass to the highly educated voters who picked this maestro of mayhem. And a special shoutout to Elon Musk, the tech titan who zoomed into the campaign like a Tesla on autopilot, tweeting support and probably dreaming of a Mars base named Trump Tower. Together, they’ve turned politics into a high-stakes episode of The Apprentice, where the world’s leaders are contestants vying for a handshake deal.

But here’s the kicker: Trump’s crafting a new world order without firing a single shot. Forget tanks and missiles; his weapons are tariffs and tweets. Rumour has it, he’s considering a tariff on the Nobel Peace Prize itself—just because he can! “Why fight when you can trade?” he declares, probably over a Diet Coke.

And the world’s listening. India’s Narendra Modi, China’s Xi Jinping, and Russia’s Vladimir Putin are suddenly chummier than ever, swapping trade tips like they’re at a global barbecue. India and China, once squabbling over borders, are now trading chai recipes, all thanks to Trump’s nudge. “Make deals, not war!” he roars, and they’re nodding like bobbleheads.

This new world order is practically assembling itself, like a flat-pack IKEA empire. China’s cosying up to India, Russia’s eyeing new markets, and everyone’s learning the art of the deal. Trump’s vision?

A global boardroom where everyone’s haggling over tariffs instead of territory. And he’s the chairman, naturally. The man’s so confident he’s probably drafting his Nobel Peace Prize acceptance speech already—on gold-embossed paper, of course. But don’t be surprised if he slaps a 25% tariff on the prize money for “economic patriotism.”

Critics might call him erratic, but Trump’s just playing 4D chess while the rest of us are stuck on checkers. His 143 executive orders in 100 days—covering everything from deportations to deregulation—prove he’s not here to nap. He’s even established a Department of Government Efficiency, led by Musk and Vivek Ramaswamy, which is transforming Washington into a lean, efficient deal-making machine. Allies might grumble, but they’re secretly taking notes.

So, here’s to the Great Deal-Maker, the man who’s got Modi, Xi, and Putin holding hands (or at least trade agreements). War’s out, business is in, and the Nobel committee’s probably sweating. Trump’s new world order is a wild ride, but one thing’s clear: it’s open for business, and the tariff on peace is free.